some super funny quotes i got online..enjoy:)

I ran in to my ex the other day put it in reverse, and hit him again!

If you're going to get in trouble for hitting someone, might as will hit them hard.

Friends are Gods way of apologizing to us for our families.

Sometimes we know we shouldn't and that's exactly why we do.

Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies!

It's better to be pissed off then pissed on.

Always forgive you enemies. Nothing annoys them more.

Never put of till tomorrow what you can avoid doing entirely.

I'm an angel! Honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo up straight.

We are the people are parents warned us about.

No ones a virgin life screws us all.

Guys are like slinkees good for nothing but its funny when they fall down the stairs.

If life hands you lemons, throw them at people.

Everyone keeps telling me the right guy will come around, but I think mine got hit by a bus.

Unique is an understatement, I'm just messed up.

I told my dad I stopped raising hell and he called me a quitter!

Just because you aren't paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you! ~It's worse when you think they are out to get you!

I don't suffer from insanity I am enjoying every minute of it.

My mother told me not to talk to strangers I don't talk to myself anymore.

Are there any guys out there who are just NORMAL?!

Hi. I am probably home. Im just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call you back, it's you.

Friends don't let friends dress like hoochies.

Rehab is for quitters.

1. Nothing is as easy as it looks. 2. Everything takes longer then you think. 3. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

Lifes a bitch, and then you die.

Lifes a bitch and then you marry one.

I smile because you've all finally drove me insane!

Kid, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

Proud mother of a delinquent child!

When life hands you lemons, bust out the tequilla and salt!

Smile it scares people.

I was playing poker the other night with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people dead.

If payback is a bitch and revenge is sweet then I'm the sweetest bitch you will ever meet.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

If you are what you eat, you're fast, cheap, and easy.

Always smile it makes people wonder what you're up to!

I'm smiling because they haven't found the body yet!

I live in my own little world, but it's okay, they all know me there!

If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different I'd rather be completely fucking mental.

Are we insane yet? Are we insane yet? How many times do I have to tell you YES!

Stop the world I wanna get off.

Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is humans way of saying you can't fire me, I quit.

Sorry can't talk now. Busy licking the thick white stuff off the top of a long hard thing! WHAT?! You pervert!! Im eating Vanilla ice cream off a cone! GEEEZ!!

Pissing off the system, one cop at a time.

Maybe this world is another planets hell.

Im not crazy Im a teen

Crying doesn't help anything, try your luck with violent mood swings.

Smile tomorrow will be worse.

I'm dark and mysterious and pissed off!

Just because you don't care, doesn't mean I don't understand.

When I'm right, no one remembers, when I'm wrong, no one forgets.

I'm sorry, I'm accidentally hitting a guy in a crosswalk sorry.

Were are you going? "Slowly insane".

Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder 'Just where did I go wrong?' That a voice comes to me and says, 'this is going to take more then one night'.

Embrace the freak that you are!!

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits.

The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.

Just because I can kill, doesn't mean I can't love.

Be weird whenever you have the chance!

When you are involved in an accident and someone ask's "are you alright?" say back "Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limps and be off".

People think I'm crazy, but actually I'm just bored.

Evil is just live spelt backwards.

It's tough being a teenager. Half the adults are telling you to find yourself and the other half are telling you to get lost.

I don't care what you think of me... it couldn't be half as bad as what I think of you.

I dance to my own band, it doesn't matter if they're a little out of tune.

We never really grow up. We just learn how to act in public.

Driving is fun. Did you ever run over a guy? And then you panic? So you back up and run over him again? You ever notice the second crunch is not as loud as the first? I think it's because the guy already has tread marks on him. But there he is, lying right in front of your car. Might as well run over him again. What're you gonna do this time, drive around him?

I think highways should have a beer lane.

I wouldn't be surprised if I was voted most likely to kill everyone at a high school dance.--- Kurt Cobain

I'm so happy, cause today I found my friends, they're in my head.---Kurt Cobain

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now?...

QUIET! I can't hear you & all the voices in my head at the same time!

Only good girls go to heaven... I wasn't invited.

We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven't you?

Remember: Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

God, please save me from your followers!

We're all quite mad here. Ha... ha ha ha ha ha! You may have noticed that I'm not all there myself.

Reality is for people who lack imagination.

I don't have issues; I have happiness.

Reality has exiled me; I am no longer bound by it's laws.

In a friendship with a fat kid there are no teeter totters, there are only catapults.--- Bryan

The United States is putting together a Constitution now for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It's served us well for 200 years, and we don't appear to be using it anymore, so what the hell. - Jay Leno

Thank you for Not Smoking. Cigarette smoke is the residue of your pleasure. It contaminates the air, pollutes my hair and clothes, not to mention my lungs. This takes place without my consent. I have a pleasure, also. I like a beer now and then. The residue of my pleasure is urine. Would you be annoyed if I stood on a chair and pissed on your head and your clothes without your consent?

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more? --- Chris Rock

The knife just slipped. Sixty-seven times. - Daria

My hormones don't rage. Oh sure, they get mad sometimes, but then they just stop speaking to each other. - Daria

I don't smoke pot? But I sometimes hang around people who do. They always have great snack ideas, and if you are low on cash, it is a good group to hang out with for a free meal. If all of your friends are stoned, just start talking about cheese pizza, or graham crackers with peanut butter. You'll be well on your way to snack heaven in no time at all! Don't forget, they all love dessert as well! - Jaret

I didn't commit a crime what I did was fail to comply with the law.

Never knock on Death's door: ring the bell and run away! Death really hates that!

According to my parents, I'm a potential serial killer.

There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and ‘mental illness'. ---Dave Barry

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh shit, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole.

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash. ---Jerry Seinfeld.

Strangers have the best candy.

There are 2 types of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.

Low riders are for little boys who can't get it up.